Everyday

I guess no one sees my efforts. Never mind, i'm just no one. I should be leaving. It is better to be alone. No one would ever feel like i'm a burden to them. Damn. I just want to go far away from here.

Anxiety

My anxiety is getting bad. It's pretty sure right after I went there. Even it has already started before it tho.. I don't how to express it to people and even by myself. It's already 4 days straight I didn't getting into the deep sleep (I have to open the sleep meditation on youtube to sleep). There were sometimes i got nausea, sometimes vomit, headache, my heartbeats going fast all of sudden and it's hard to breathe.

I just don't know what I was thinking. All the problems, all the thoughts just keep entering my mind and i feel like it's going to explode. Yeah, my head is going to explode. Seeking help? Who? I don't even know. My bestfriends? Nope. I'm not gonna interrupt them. Currently busy I think.. People never knew me well. It looks like i'm fine. In fact, I don't. I'm just faking my smile, cheering myself up in front of them, being hyperactive. What I did was just to hide all of this.

Sometimes, i'm just thinking to give up all of these things. I'm better alone. Better with my god. I don't deserve to have all of this happiness.. You know, it just make me pretty insane to think. I'm just a burden to everyone. I'm just tired. I'm tired. Really am.